Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
