You really coming over, don't trick.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
