A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
