Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
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