I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Randomize
