I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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