Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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