I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
