Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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