I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
