I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
