Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
