Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
