youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
