Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
