Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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