let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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