Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
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