when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
