My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
