There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
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