I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
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