one two three fourrrrnication!
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
