The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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