my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
