mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Randomize
