don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
