So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
