who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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