I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
