she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
