Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
