we made out on top of his cat.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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