It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
