I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i used baking grease as lip gloss
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
