dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
