TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
