Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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