I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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