I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
