Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
