Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
