i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Randomize
