This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
