Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
You can't motorboat a personality
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Randomize
