Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(704): View more from North Carolina

Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...

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(575): View more from New Mexico

is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?

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(561): View more from Florida

you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic

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(609): View more from New Jersey

So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."

(423): View more from Tennessee

Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.

(814): View more from Pennsylvania

No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.

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(519): View more from Ontario

He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.

(604): View more from British Columbia

HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES

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(516): View more from New York

I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level

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(317): View more from Indiana

I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.

(1-317): View more from Indiana

As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.

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(860): View more from Connecticut

I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!

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