oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
dude i'm inner monologue high
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
