After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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