I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
