I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
