do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
