I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
