i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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