would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
