You're so nebulous sometimes
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
