omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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