There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
