How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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