I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
