is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
