i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
