Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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